


Spiders Aren't An Ideal Gift

by Anonymous_Cupcake



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Ash Lynx Just Wants To Sleep, Attempt at Humor, Eiji doesn't give a shit, Happy Birthday Ash Lynx, M/M, Spiders, That basically explains the fic, You know that video with the spider and it sounds like Gumball and Darwin?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:08:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25862599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous_Cupcake/pseuds/Anonymous_Cupcake
Summary: Ash comes home to everyone freaking out over a spider."That's it!" Shorter screamed, whacking the baseball bat near the spider. "Get out of my house! Get out!"From behind the door Sing still managed to tease him and yelled "Why don't you actually hit it?" Shorter screamed as he raised the bat and hit the giant arachnid.Ash's tough guy facade broke slightly when the spider practically exploded, babies scattering all across his bedroom floor. The room became chaotic as everyone darted out of the room. "Holy shit it gave birth!" Shorter yelled as Ash tried to not drop his phone. He hoped it was still recording.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Shorter Wong, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji, Lee Yut-Lung & Ash Lynx, Lee Yut-Lung & Okumura Eiji, Lee Yut-Lung/Sing Soo-Ling
Comments: 10
Kudos: 186





	Spiders Aren't An Ideal Gift

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday Ash! I wasn't sure if the longfic I had planned would be finished in time so I wrote something really quickly for some humor and because the video this was based off of is just hilarious to me  
> (Also obvious but warning: spiders!)

Sometimes Ash's roommates could be unbearable.

He had come back home to Shorter screaming at the top of his lungs and the man wasn't even in the living room. He turned to Eiji, who was sitting quietly on the couch with his phone and ignoring the screams.

"What's going on?" He asked as he stepped inside.

"Spider." Eiji replied, eyes still glued to his phone before looking up to say "Happy early birthday." Right, tomorrow was his birthday. He had honestly forgotten.

"No way am I staying in there!" Shorter yelled, running down the stairs and into the room. He jumped onto the second couch and pressed himself into it. With his shades gone, Ash could clearly see the fear in his eyes. He knew spiders creeped everyone out but how bad could one be?

"It's fucking huge!" Shorter told him once he realized he was here. He told Ash the full story, "It's in Yue's room but Eiji won't kill it so Yue called his boyfriend."

"I wanted to put it outside but they're scared it'll crawl back in." Eiji added. "I'm waiting for them to admit they can't kill it and ask me for help."

Ash sighed. It was too late for this. "Eiji, could you get rid of it?"

Before Eiji could answer, Ash heard an "Oh fuck!" followed by another high pitched scream. The floor upstairs shook as Yue ran down the stairs. He kept looking back as he hid  _ behind _ the couch, tears running down his face as he looked at the stairs in horror.

"It ran into Ash's room!" Ash heard Yue's boyfriend, Sing, call from upstairs. He thought Sing's growth spurt would've helped him become braver, but when the man nearly rushed downstairs like the other two, he realized his cowardice only doubled.

"It's one damn spider. I'll kill it." Ash decided.

Everyone followed Ash upstairs. Shorter clung to his arm and he could hear Sing quietly comforting his boyfriend. He sighed again. "Why do I have to do this?" He muttered.

"Last time I checked it's not midnight, princess." He heard Yue snap, though with the way he was acting before Ash was pretty sure he was just scared and on edge. The spider  _ was _ in his room before it moved.

"Jesus, it's not that big." The spider was crawling around on the floor, minding its own business. Despite being terrified Shorter still snickered at Ash's wording. "That's what she said."

"If you can joke around then you can get rid of it."

Shorter groaned and muttered something about having a bat in his closet and left to get it. In the meantime, Ash took his phone out of his pocket and started recording. He might get something good out of this.

Shorter reappeared with a baseball bat in his hands. He glared at the spider moving around. Eiji, who saw Ash recording, subtly shifted away from the camera. Yue and Sing stayed behind them.

"That's it!" Shorter screamed, whacking the baseball bat near the spider. "Get out of my house! Get out!"

From behind the door Sing still managed to tease him and yelled "Why don't you actually hit it?" Shorter screamed as he raised the bat and hit the giant arachnid.

Ash's tough guy facade broke slightly when the spider practically  _ exploded _ , babies scattering all across his bedroom floor. The room became chaotic as everyone darted out of the room. "Holy shit it gave birth!" Shorter yelled as Ash tried to not drop his phone. He hoped it was still recording.

"Oh my god what the fuck?!" Yue cried as everyone ran back into the living room. Shorter kept repeating "It gave birth, it gave birth!"

"Wait, I got it on video!" Ash laughed, holding up the phone so Shorter could see. Eiji looked at the stairs, "We have to get rid of them."

"We have to  _ kill _ them." Sing added as Ash stopped the recording. Yue sat down on the couch, burying his face in his hands. "Holy fuck I'm moving out."

Sing went into the kitchen and grabbed a mop. "How the hell is that supposed to help?" Shorter asked.

"Gonna sweep them." Sing answered, like it was the obvious choice. Amidst the chaos, Ash's brain helpfully reminded him what kind of spider it was.

"Wolf spider."

"Those are two things that should never be combined. What the hell?" Yue asked.

"It already gave birth. The babies were just like, on its back." Ash explained. Eiji shuddered, "Will they...?"

"Yeah, no. Those things are definitely gonna die." Ash answered right as Sing yelled "Someone get the dustpan!"

While Eiji consoled Shorter and Yue, Ash and Sing cleaned up the aftermath of the war. When they finally finished, Sing's watch beeped. He laughed and smiled at Ash. "Happy birthday, man. Do I still have to get you a gift?"

"Did you put the spider in Yue's room?"

"Hell no! Why would I-"

"The spiders do not count as a birthday gift. Please tell me you weren't going to buy something  _ today _ ."

Sing raised his hands up in defense. "No, no. I left it at home."

Ash smiled. "Good. Tell the others the mess is gone." Exhausted, he collapsed onto his bed. Sing shuddered, "How can you sleep knowing there was a spider in here?"

"It was one spider that happened to be pregnant." Ash muttered. He heard Sing sigh and left the room. At least he had the decency to turn off the light. He dozed off, only waking up when he heard Eiji walk in. He kept his eyes closed.

"Thanks for your help. Happy birthday." Eiji whispered, kissing Ash's forehead before heading to his room. Ash smiled, looking forward to a spider-free day.


End file.
